What does it mean to have a healthy relationship?
- Both Partners Give & Take
- Both Willing to Compromise
- Respect Each Other
- Value Each Other’s Opinions
- Support & Encourage Each Other
- Trust One Another
- Neither is Afraid of the Other
- Communicate Openly and Honestly
- Share Decision-Making
- Accept Each Other’s Differences
- Encourage Friends & Activities Outside the Relationship
- Manage Conflicts Without Threats or Punishment
- Relationship Feels and Is Nurturing, Comfortable & Fun
- Sex is Consensual & Mutually Satisfying
- There is no Abuse – Physical, Verbal, or Emotional
The Love Addiction
It is important to be able to recognize the signs of a violent relationship. Often it is hard to tell that whether or not a relationship is healthy. The Cycle of Violence illustrates the way that an abusive partner or family member might behave in order to solidify their place as the person in control.
The cycle always begins on the with the “Honeymoon.” During this phase the abuser will compliment, give gifts, flatter, and do anything in their power to convince their victim that everything is wonderful and they have nothing to fear. The victim will feel a strong pull toward their abuser during this phase. The abuser is showing “love” and “affection”. Many times a victim will say, “I love him. Sometimes he is so amazing!” They are generally remembering the “Honeymoon” phase.
As time passes, the “Build-up” and “Stand-Over” phases illustrate the insecurity in the relationship. Using fear, jealousy, and intimidation, and many other tactics, the abuser attempts to control the victim. Often times a victim will feel unable to make any decisions, and feel as though they have no control over what happens to them.
The Explosion occurs when verbal, mental, or physical abuse is unleashed upon the victim. Although this period is the most dangerous during the cycle, a victim might actually experience more mental anguish before and after an explosion.
Remorse, sometimes genuine and sometimes part of the process of abuse, comes after an explosion. The abuser will apologize, and shortly after enter the “Pursuit” phase. They will make promises that things will change or get better. They may use threats of violence or abandonment to convince the victim not to leave.